My friend that Jesus loves

My Friend that Jesus Loves extravagantly 
- Melody Kube (Parishioner, Missionary)

I have this friend that Jesus loves extravagantly. It blows my mind how much he loves her. The kind of love I have seen him pour out on her causes me to constantly re-evaluate my own theology, and has caused my understanding of grace and mercy to be shattered more than once. His consistent love for her has been an amazing thing to witness. 

My friend’s name is Teresa. Jesus won her heart when she was a small child, but then he lost her for many years of wandering. When we first met I was 12. I was the oldest daughter in a respectable Christian family. I had been brought up in the church by parents who made their faith real during the week as well. My life experience had taught me that I was one of the “good ones”, who knew about God, loved God and grew up under his blessing. Teresa was at the time a single mom, raising a son on her own, while working full time and trying to quit smoking, and drinking, and swearing in front of me because she thought my parents wouldn’t like it. In my childish mind she was one of the “bad ones” that Jesus loved anyway. Teresa is about 10 years older than me. We are friends still today. 

I never doubted that God loved Teresa. I expected him to be gracious with sinners, I knew the stories of the Prodigal Son and the Lost Sheep. I knew Jesus loved her. I expected that now that Teresa had joined our church community she would be converted. The bad, sinful, hurtful stuff would be left behind and the good, smooth and gentle Christian life lay ahead. That’s what my simplistic, evangelical belief had taught me to expect. That was exactly the testimony I had heard hundreds of times already. This was how one formatted a regulation christian testimony, according to the template that we were literally taught to mould our own stories around to explain the gospel to others. I have no idea if that’s what she expected, or would have wanted. But that is not how things have played out. 

I was there when Teresa was baptised. I heard the serious tone her voice took on as she vowed herself to follow Jesus forsaking the temptations of the evil one. Teresa’s commitment to Christ was sealed but her path remained a bumpy and difficult journey. 

After school, I got married and went into Christian missionary work. I was overseas when we had the most amazing conversation over Skype. Teresa battled mental illness along side her addictions. Her faith has wobbled over the years, but NEVER been shattered. She had at times, like Job, cursed every part of her life but she had never turned her back on God. And his love for her just kept burning hotter. Teresa had her laptop and was hiding in a janitors closet somewhere in the Psych ward at the hospital. People were looking for her. She had checked herself in voluntarily for her own protection, but she was looking for a break from meds and monitoring or something, so she hid and skyped me :) Being in another time zone had been convenient more than once over the years for these types of conversations, at least I wasn’t up in the middle of the night, usually I was keeping children occupied. I know at least twice I called local police in her city from overseas because she was in danger of violence at her own hand. Sometimes I marvelled at the lengths she went to, to try to convince the Father that she was unlovable. His love for her was so unfounded, at least in the sense of trying to do something to earn it; and so unwavering, that it was hard to comprehend.  It was like she tried every trick she had to make him stop loving her and nothing worked! Somewhere along the journey Teresa came across the idea that God didn’t love homosexuals. But, even embracing that lifestyle did nothing to stop his unrelenting love. From her hiding place in the hospital ward Teresa tells me this story. 

“He walked with me on the beach Mel! with me! on the beach!” Teresa had had a personal vision of Jesus. He had met with her and spoken to her directly, personally, one-on-one. I felt a nudge of jealously but I ignored it. “ He says he has a job for me!” He loved her and had chosen her for a specific ministry that she didn’t want to tell me about, speaking it out loud was still too scary.  What about my calling? I wondered, its it less important? Because I didn’t hear an audible voice about anything God wanted me to do. my own voice of self-doubt didn’t miss this opportunity. Teresa continued: “But, I don’t have to do it! I can choose!” Teresa’s vision of Jesus and his calling her into his service included the assurance that she was not compelled to do anything. She was free to choose. 

See, I thought that I could increase Jesus’ love for me through acts of service and sacrifice. You can’t. Teresa thought she could decrease his love for her through acts of self- destruction and contempt. You can’t. His love for us belongs to him, stems from his character not ours. 

Teresa is a warrior, a fighter, a victor in this battle of faith and life. It seems she keeps taking hits from every side. Cancer, abuse, trauma, illness, pain, grief, fear. But, I have seen more of Jesus love in her life than any “blessed” Christian fairytale.  I still bug her about pursuing her calling, which I am fairly sure is a calling to the priesthood. She tells me she is “too gay” to be a priest and that no Christian in their right mind would sit and hear her teach about the Bible. She might be right, that’s an entirely different topic. Frankly, it would seem Teresa's sexuality is not God’s priority concern, causing further chaos for my still simplistic evangelicalism. 

Teresa still calls me out on any trite or simplistic answers I try to give to a situation. We continue our long distance friendship as I am once again on a different side of the world. She still tries not to cuss when we talk, as if thirty years later, it was still her responsibility to protect me from bad language.  

This is what I have learned so far: in all of my life I have never seen a better representation of Jesus great love, than his relentless pursuit of his child Teresa. What I still don’t know is how the story ends. I know for certain he will never stop loving her. But she is a strong woman, I don’t know if she will ever put down her weapons, or one day decide to turn and stand with her God at her back and fight her real enemies.

Romans 8: 38,39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.